Aviophobia

There's a saying people like to use when explaining progression: You have to learn to crawl before you walk. Well, I am told by my mother that I never really crawlled. I basically went straight to walking she says well before the age of one. So I guess my explanation is cut out the middle man and just go for what you want.

So in accordance with my explanation, it only seems logical that my first time flying would be a journey to China.

I always said when I was younger that when I grew up, I would travel to see the world, but I never did take the time out to think just how I was going to get there. You are talking about a girl who has lived in Lawton, Okla. her entire life who has only been to three states: Texas, New Mexico, and Colorado...all of which by car. And now that my dream is starring me in the face, I am terrified to look back. Instead of anxiously looking forward to this Thursday, I am dreading the wait, and it feels as if I am counting down to my execution..."Dead Girl Walking".

But what exactly am I afraid of? Why am I afraid of something that I have never even done before? I guess it's the same as people being afraid of death...I'm sure they have never died before to know if it something to fear or not. It is like the Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi said: How do we know that the dead ever wonder why they ever wanted to live?

And statiscally speaking, I have a better chance of dying driving on the highway. I drive on the highway 5 days a week to and from work, but knowing the fact, I do not fear driving. I actually like driving on the highway...well not here lately every since I got a brand new car and I have to pay my own car insurance...but i digress...Anyway, as I was saying, I don't have this morbid fear and take the backroads. So I wonder, is that what it's going to take, riding on a plane several times to get over my fear? If that is the case, then I will have plenty of chances, because like I said in my previous blog, it's going to take me four planes to get there and four planes to get back.

So, I'm counting down, waiting, trying to deal with my morbid fear of planes. I try to think just what I am afraid of to help ease the problem. Am I afraid of the lack of control, height, or the sudden impact with the ground. I'm thinking it's safe to say all three.